Happy 3 Months!

My little man is 3 months old now and I'm already wishing time would slow down. Nowadays, it's not the fact that I'm seeing more wrinkles, grey hairs, and bigger pores that makes me sad, but with each passing day Caden is outgrowing his clothes a little faster, talking a little more, and is no longer my little baby anymore. :(

But with that comes the anticipation of new milestones like first words and first steps. Am I a little crazy if I'm already planning his first birthday party? Husband says yes. But I know mamas everywhere know what I'm talking about. And curse Pinterest, because I'm a pinnin' fool which just fuels my obssession with baby crack.

Dear Son,

This month you are:

• Learning to sit up more. You love sitting on your boppy, but can only handle a couple of minutes in the Bumbo. But when we lay you back down, you cry and want to continue siting. Big boy wants to do big boy things.
• You are certainly a morning baby. You always wake up around 6 or 7am and make it known you have places to go and things to do. We have to take you out to the living room so you can have your morning coffee and watch the news. :)
• You crack me up with your big goofy grin the second we lay you down on your changing pad to change your diaper. You gotta stay fresh and clean or else!
• No matter how many times you pee on us while we change you (even at 4am in the morning) I can't help but laugh because I know you know what you're doing. You laugh in our faces. 
• You're learning to grab things from your play mat - but you don't know how to let go just yet. We still have to rescue you from Monkey and Giraffe.
• You are such a talker. You talk our ears off sometimes and as cute as it is, it's not so much at 6am.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I have a love hate relationship w/ Valentine's Day. I hate all the fuss, the pomp and circumstance that comes with this Hallmark holiday. However, Husband's birthday is also on the 14th, and as much as I kid and joke about getting jipped every year on Love Day, I never have expected anything extra. Hubby sent me flowers anyway and I got to kiss all over my little man. How lucky am I?

Forget Me Not

Today was hard.

I just had a feeling the second week would be worse than the first. From the moment I woke up, I rushed and hurried to get to work. Rushed so that I could possibly leave a little earlier, to fight the traffic back home - to hurry back home to my baby.

I was thrilled to see that he was awake - yes! no time wasted for hugs and kisses! - so I scooped him up from G-ma's arms. And then it happens. The brows furrow. The tears well up. The bottom lip quivers. And then the wail that breaks my heart. He doesn't realize it's his mama. I'm like a stranger he doesn't recognize. The same thing happened the day before and I chalked it up to gas. But two days in a row? MY BABY IS FORGETTING WHO I AM! Of course I bribe him with milk and eventually win him over, but still. so sad.

Everyone tells me it gets easier - but when does that actually start? Because to me, it's getting harder and harder every morning to say goodbye. And now it's becoming equally hard to come home.  :(

it's not you mama. it's my new haircut i'm not feelin'. 

The Daily Grind

My maternity leave is now over and I finally had to go back to work this week. The days leading up to it were awful and full of anxiety. I woke up everyday with a heavy weight on my heart and a deep sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I'd soon have to leave my precious little man. And everyday, I'd have to remind myself that every mom goes through this, they have all survived it before me, and moms everywhere after me will continue to make it through their first day back at work. I'm incredibly lucky to have G-ma be able to stay with us and watch Caden while I adjust to going back to work and not everyone is fortunate enough to have that support.

Honestly, my first week back hasn't been bad thanks to my awesome coworkers and boss who have all been so great in welcoming me back and being understanding of my new mommy needs. I'm not sure how my 2nd week will be - it might finally hit me that I'm really back at work, doing the 9-6 shift, trying to beat traffic, having to rush home to spend just an hour with baby boy before it's bedtime - and that this time, it's back to the permanent grind and I don't have another 12 weeks leave to spend with him. In an ideal world, I'd give work the finger and live in my pjs and snuggle with little mister man all day. 

I never thought I'd be the one to want to be a housewife, a stay at home mom - but I find myself aching for it.  This former party girl? The one known as the Hulk? psshhh. I'm not sure if this is just a new mama phase and if it'll pass but it doesn't seem to be getting better in the mornings. It's taking longer and longer to leave the cutest face in the world especially when he is getting so good at giving me this goofy grin. How. Can. You. Leave. This. Face? 

"Good morning mama! I'm so happy to see you!"