Jun 21, 2012

Home is....

My mom left yesterday back to Vietnam for a 2 week visit. The circumstances this time are quite bittersweet.  She will see her own mother again, but it will be to say goodbye. She will see her brothers and sisters again, but it will be unknown when she will see them again. A few years will stretch to 5, and that will become 10. I can't begin to fathom how painful it must be to be so far away from family as I am so fortunate to be here with mine. To not be able to celebrate with, to comfort, to just reach out and hug someone for so long.

My mom amazes me everyday with her strength and sacrifice. It only makes me strive even harder to be able to even hold a candle next to her.

Jun 16, 2012

Sleeping Like A Baby

I wonder if whoever coined the phrase, "sleeping like a baby" actually had a baby themselves. Because my son is 7 months today, which means I haven't slept since he was born!!!

I've read every blog, forum, and sleep training book out there. I've listened to advice from moms, dads, coworkers, and strangers. I've purchased every type of swaddle blanket, miracle suit, white noise machine, swing, rocker, you name it, I've got it. My little man takes one look at it, and laughs in my face.

My dark circles and lines are showing more prominently now, and we all know how I feel about wrinkles. This has got to come to a stop! I'm reading one last book, Healthy Sleepy Habits, Happy Child, as my final last ditch effort and it sounds legit so far. It's not a no cry sleep solution as I had hoped, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I think deep down, I'm a masochist because I'm home alone today and decided it'd be a good idea to sleep train now. By myself.

Armed with newly found courage and resolve and now, the scientific facts behind infant sleep cycles, I put him in his crib and sat in the kitchen w/ my phone on the table. Let's just say I lasted 5 minutes before I made myself a gin and tonic. And I made it another 11 before wiping the sweat off my forehead and running in his room for the rescue. Little man was hanging onto the side of his bed, red faced and puffy eyed, whimpering  and holding his arms out for his mama.

They say it gets better, but it just seems so unnatural, so wrong. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not the world's shittiest mother, and that teaching him to sleep on his own is one of the best gifts I can give him, but boy is that so hard to tell yourself when your baby is still whimpering in his sleep.

God give me the strength to either make it through the next couple of nights, or give me a break w/ bags under my eyes. You choose. :)