The DreadFlu of '13

The title of this post alone should speak volumes of how sick I am at the moment. My little germ factory has taken each and everyone of us down one by one. I would be sick for the rest of the year if it meant that my baby could start feeling better, but alas, we are on day freaking five of high fever and a fountain of snot. Having a sick and miserable child definitely makes top 5 terrible ordeals for a parent, somewhere in between a full blown 2 year old mental breakdown at the grocery store and stepping on Legos in the middle of the night.

We had to take C to the ER because his temp hit a high of 105 on Friday and I was freaking out paranoid that he'd have a febrile seizure. I must say that despite the epidemic that has overloaded our hospitals and pedi offices, Children's Hospital Dallas did a really great job at quickly and efficiently getting us checked in and in a room within just an hour's time. We were definitely expecting several hours of just waiting.

We're hoping he's going to turn a corner soon - it's been a rough week at the Ngu house. Note to self: next flu season, buy hand sanitizer by the barrel. Bathe in it if necessary.

Home is....

My mom left yesterday back to Vietnam for a 2 week visit. The circumstances this time are quite bittersweet.  She will see her own mother again, but it will be to say goodbye. She will see her brothers and sisters again, but it will be unknown when she will see them again. A few years will stretch to 5, and that will become 10. I can't begin to fathom how painful it must be to be so far away from family as I am so fortunate to be here with mine. To not be able to celebrate with, to comfort, to just reach out and hug someone for so long.

My mom amazes me everyday with her strength and sacrifice. It only makes me strive even harder to be able to even hold a candle next to her.

Sleeping Like A Baby

I wonder if whoever coined the phrase, "sleeping like a baby" actually had a baby themselves. Because my son is 7 months today, which means I haven't slept since he was born!!!

I've read every blog, forum, and sleep training book out there. I've listened to advice from moms, dads, coworkers, and strangers. I've purchased every type of swaddle blanket, miracle suit, white noise machine, swing, rocker, you name it, I've got it. My little man takes one look at it, and laughs in my face.

My dark circles and lines are showing more prominently now, and we all know how I feel about wrinkles. This has got to come to a stop! I'm reading one last book, Healthy Sleepy Habits, Happy Child, as my final last ditch effort and it sounds legit so far. It's not a no cry sleep solution as I had hoped, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I think deep down, I'm a masochist because I'm home alone today and decided it'd be a good idea to sleep train now. By myself.

Armed with newly found courage and resolve and now, the scientific facts behind infant sleep cycles, I put him in his crib and sat in the kitchen w/ my phone on the table. Let's just say I lasted 5 minutes before I made myself a gin and tonic. And I made it another 11 before wiping the sweat off my forehead and running in his room for the rescue. Little man was hanging onto the side of his bed, red faced and puffy eyed, whimpering  and holding his arms out for his mama.

They say it gets better, but it just seems so unnatural, so wrong. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not the world's shittiest mother, and that teaching him to sleep on his own is one of the best gifts I can give him, but boy is that so hard to tell yourself when your baby is still whimpering in his sleep.

God give me the strength to either make it through the next couple of nights, or give me a break w/ bags under my eyes. You choose. :)

10,9,8,7,6.....

Sometimes it takes a little more than just counting backwards.

Sometimes it takes every ounce of my being to keep it together. To keep from rolling on the ground, fists pounding the floor, kicking and screaming. To not have the most epic of meltdowns that I'm sure every neighbor will look through their blinds toward the house w/ the screeching banshee.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself and say out loud that I really do love my husband, and I don't hate him and his face, and that I've only killed him twice in my head today and not the usual five times. It's not the end of the world that the Diaper Genie is full. Yes, life does go on if another milk bag leaked.

And then I kiss my baby good night and snuggle and all is right in the world and I love my life and never in a million years would I trade it for anything. 

It's been a tough few months - there's been a lot of changes, adjustments, and uncontrollable hormones included in the mix - with poor hubby on the receiving end of my neglect and more often times, rage. I'm slowly trying to find myself again, she's in there somewhere, I know it. 

Happy 4 Months!!!

Life has been so crazy with lots of changes that I haven't had a chance to decompress and just get my thoughts together. I've neglected to write, which was what was supposed to help me in the first place. I'll just ease back into it again with Little Man's 4 month update.

Seriously -- every month, no scratch that -- every day is a milestone, a new accomplishment, a new discovery for my monster and I'm happy and sad at the same time that my baby is growing so fast. I get and understand how some people want to have babies all the time. Except for Octomom. I don't get her at all.

Dear Son,

This month has been quite a roller coaster. The 4 month mark is a big one!

• You've finally learned how to roll over and boy do you show off. I get it already. You are a professional roller. But would you mind taking a break when I'm changing your diaper? Or feeding you? Or hey, when it's 3am and it's bedtime? 
• You are no longer interested in your play mat which used to be your favorite. You're a big boy now, moving on to big boy toys. You're a mover and a shaker and love your Jumperoo that Uncle Kerry got you. 
• You have discovered something that looks very similar to your hands, but they're a little harder to get to, but once you've "caught" them, they are so nice and salty to lick. Mama usually gets a kick out of this and takes pics.
• You have not been nice to Mama and G-ma at night. You always want to wake up and it's getting to be not so cute anymore! Please be a good boy and sleep more.

Happy 3 Months!

My little man is 3 months old now and I'm already wishing time would slow down. Nowadays, it's not the fact that I'm seeing more wrinkles, grey hairs, and bigger pores that makes me sad, but with each passing day Caden is outgrowing his clothes a little faster, talking a little more, and is no longer my little baby anymore. :(

But with that comes the anticipation of new milestones like first words and first steps. Am I a little crazy if I'm already planning his first birthday party? Husband says yes. But I know mamas everywhere know what I'm talking about. And curse Pinterest, because I'm a pinnin' fool which just fuels my obssession with baby crack.

Dear Son,

This month you are:

• Learning to sit up more. You love sitting on your boppy, but can only handle a couple of minutes in the Bumbo. But when we lay you back down, you cry and want to continue siting. Big boy wants to do big boy things.
• You are certainly a morning baby. You always wake up around 6 or 7am and make it known you have places to go and things to do. We have to take you out to the living room so you can have your morning coffee and watch the news. :)
• You crack me up with your big goofy grin the second we lay you down on your changing pad to change your diaper. You gotta stay fresh and clean or else!
• No matter how many times you pee on us while we change you (even at 4am in the morning) I can't help but laugh because I know you know what you're doing. You laugh in our faces. 
• You're learning to grab things from your play mat - but you don't know how to let go just yet. We still have to rescue you from Monkey and Giraffe.
• You are such a talker. You talk our ears off sometimes and as cute as it is, it's not so much at 6am.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I have a love hate relationship w/ Valentine's Day. I hate all the fuss, the pomp and circumstance that comes with this Hallmark holiday. However, Husband's birthday is also on the 14th, and as much as I kid and joke about getting jipped every year on Love Day, I never have expected anything extra. Hubby sent me flowers anyway and I got to kiss all over my little man. How lucky am I?

Forget Me Not

Today was hard.

I just had a feeling the second week would be worse than the first. From the moment I woke up, I rushed and hurried to get to work. Rushed so that I could possibly leave a little earlier, to fight the traffic back home - to hurry back home to my baby.

I was thrilled to see that he was awake - yes! no time wasted for hugs and kisses! - so I scooped him up from G-ma's arms. And then it happens. The brows furrow. The tears well up. The bottom lip quivers. And then the wail that breaks my heart. He doesn't realize it's his mama. I'm like a stranger he doesn't recognize. The same thing happened the day before and I chalked it up to gas. But two days in a row? MY BABY IS FORGETTING WHO I AM! Of course I bribe him with milk and eventually win him over, but still. so sad.

Everyone tells me it gets easier - but when does that actually start? Because to me, it's getting harder and harder every morning to say goodbye. And now it's becoming equally hard to come home.  :(

it's not you mama. it's my new haircut i'm not feelin'. 

The Daily Grind

My maternity leave is now over and I finally had to go back to work this week. The days leading up to it were awful and full of anxiety. I woke up everyday with a heavy weight on my heart and a deep sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I'd soon have to leave my precious little man. And everyday, I'd have to remind myself that every mom goes through this, they have all survived it before me, and moms everywhere after me will continue to make it through their first day back at work. I'm incredibly lucky to have G-ma be able to stay with us and watch Caden while I adjust to going back to work and not everyone is fortunate enough to have that support.

Honestly, my first week back hasn't been bad thanks to my awesome coworkers and boss who have all been so great in welcoming me back and being understanding of my new mommy needs. I'm not sure how my 2nd week will be - it might finally hit me that I'm really back at work, doing the 9-6 shift, trying to beat traffic, having to rush home to spend just an hour with baby boy before it's bedtime - and that this time, it's back to the permanent grind and I don't have another 12 weeks leave to spend with him. In an ideal world, I'd give work the finger and live in my pjs and snuggle with little mister man all day. 

I never thought I'd be the one to want to be a housewife, a stay at home mom - but I find myself aching for it.  This former party girl? The one known as the Hulk? psshhh. I'm not sure if this is just a new mama phase and if it'll pass but it doesn't seem to be getting better in the mornings. It's taking longer and longer to leave the cutest face in the world especially when he is getting so good at giving me this goofy grin. How. Can. You. Leave. This. Face? 

"Good morning mama! I'm so happy to see you!"

Guilty Pleasure #1: Celebrity Gossip

What is it about celebrities that we are obsessed about? And by we, I mean me (and my gf Kim :) hehe ) I think I check Perez and TMZ at least twice a day. Yes, I really did just admit that. Am I guilty of having no life or just being a stalker? The most recent news that really shocked me was about Heidi Klum and Seal divorcing. Sads. They seemed to be so in love. They renewed their vows every year man! Now in retrospect, it was probably all her idea. Because we all know how our men are when it comes to planning parties and events. The only thing I put my husband in charge of was just showing up at our wedding. :)

Husband always ask me why I tell him celebrity gossip like we know these people. Maybe it's because we can all relate to them in some sense. Not the glamorous clothes, mansions, and luxuries they are able to indulge in, but the problems they encounter are often the same we endure in our own lives. Because we've all been crazy and rebelled like Lindsay before, right? And we've all had a mini meltdown like Demi recently did. DON'T LIE.

We're just fortunate enough to not have our dirty laundry on TMZ. only Facebook. That's why you must reset your settings to not have your pictures public when someone tags you people!

Pinterest Recipe Reviews

It's been rainy and gloomy the past two days and all I want to do is snuggle with my baby. As my return date to work is quickly approaching (next Wednesday, eek!), I'm torn with the thought of wasting the remainder of my time being a bum or doing something productive. So of course, my compromise is to be productive by attempting to do something I've pinned from Pinterest. And my "doing", I mean baking. Yes, baking. I'm keeping my resolution alive by trying out this cookie recipe I found that claims to be the most amazing chewy chocolate chip cookies on earth, in the history of mankind. The 2nd half of my compromise is that after I bake these amazing chocolately treats, I will lay in bed and snuggle with little man while eating aforementioned cookies.

Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

I had high hopes for this receipe. I mean, look at the picture. Those cookies looked like soft billowly mounds of sweet and gooey chocolate goodness. I followed the recipe to the T, but as I was mixing away, the dough just didn't seem to look right. It did not look like the kind the Pillsbury Doughboy would approve as it just didn't stick together and looked like clumpy flour and chocolate chips. Regardless, I pressed on and stuck them in the oven. They're not very sweet, although the cookies are soft. Not a total fail in my opinion, so my confidence hasn't completely been shaken! The quest continues for another day!

Broccoli and Italian Sausage Egg Muffins

Not REALLY baking, but hey, it's called a muffin and I cooked it in the oven, so I'll chalk it up as a win. This turned out really yummy and I made a batch to keep in the freezer for days that I need a quick breakfast. Also very good w/ some salsa on the side :)

Birthday Lust List

Before baby, I wanted to do my dirty thirty big. But now, not so much. This year, I'm keeping it low key and celebrating w/ a few close friends and feeding my belly right. That's what it's all about, right? And while I've said that I pretty much have everything I want, there's no harm in lusting over a few pretty things :)

Motherhood

For 9 months I was on a rollercoaster of emotions about becoming a mom. This definitely wasnt planned, but we were joyful of God's plans and what he had in store for us. I'm rolling with the punches and learning that shit happens. Literally. But nothing can ever trump the joys of motherhood, even poop up the back. And on the couch.

Obsessed

One word. Pinterest.

One picture just about sums it up.

Everyday i tell myself, I will NOT get on Pinterest, I will not waste my time until I actually attempt to do one of the hundreds of projects I've ooohhed, awwwed, and pinned. I've even had to talk myself out of buying a fancy KitchenAid mixer after seeing all the amazing baked goodness I've seen. For someone who's messed up brownie in a box, it's pretty much safe to say that I cannot bake if my life depended on it.

HOWEVER, as an amendment to my resolutions, I will try to improve my baking prowess slowly but surely for the sake of my son. I don't want him to be the kid whose mom brings in store bought cookies to the school bake sale. Oh the shame.

Dear Mama

Our house sits on a bit of a hill - our street is even called High Point - and so our driveway is higher up than our neighbor's lot resulting in a small, I guess you can call it, a ditch? Today, my dear mama backed our car into aforementioned ditch.

Did I mention it was raining? Sure enough, it got stuck there the entire day for all the neighbors to see until the husband got home. The little kids from next door even ran out of their house and squealed "how did THAT happen?!" SMH.

After the initial freakout at my mom, I couldn't help but laugh. All she wanted to do was go grocery shopping for me so I wouldn't't have to worry about it. And it reminds me once again how blessed I am to have such a selfless and wonderful woman who does nothing but put everyone else before herself. My mom and I have always been close, but ever since having little man, our relationship has grown so much more. It has become such a solid foundation and has enabled me to focus on being a better mom, daughter and wife. 

Dear Mama,

Thank you for everything. A million times over. I aspire to be the same mother to Caden as you are to me - amazing.

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights.  ~Terri Guillemets

Happy Birthday Thanh!!

The Big 3-0 for the OG

Happy Birthday Kim!!

Goodbye 2011, Helllllo '12!

I cannot believe another year has come and gone again. 2012 - we finally meet. It's been a long time coming. I'll be the big 3-0 and as much as everyone dreads it, I've always looked forward to this milestone birthday as it marks another closed chapter of my life.

Every year I make the same resolutions - save money and lose weight. I almost always break my resolutions 2 days into the year. Why do I even set myself up for failure with all the post holiday sales? And with food? I just. can't. resist.

But this year, I resolve to find more reasons to celebrate. My little one is not even two months yet, and in that short period he's taught me a lesson that has taken almost 30 years to finally understand - to not sweat the small stuff and to find joy in the simplest of things. It really is quite powerful.

I will make myself another promise - and that is to document this year as much as possible. I remember whenever my group of gfs got together, we'd each have our camera and take 3 or 4 pictures of the same pose on each camera while we blinked, smiled, and were blinded by the flashes. Nowadays, it's a rare occasion for any of us to even whip out our phones to snap a quick photo. 

I don't want to miss or forget anything -- and it's a good thing I had my camera ready today because little man treated us to his first real smile this morning to usher in 2012. I have a feeling it'll be the best year yet.

             Happy New Year!!!