Beauty

I watched this video today and it left a big impression on me.

The premise: from behind a curtain, a forensic artist sketches different women based on their descriptions of themselves vs how strangers' see them

Raising my hand over here. I admit it. I am so guilty of self loathing and and criticism - these love handles, these post baby boobs, this nose, my small teeth...the list can go on and on. I think it is a part of our female genetic makeup to over-analyze and over-think everything. I know my husband loves every part of my imperfectness - that I do not doubt...but it's a struggle to love myself when everyday we are bombarded with Victoria Secret campaigns, Kate Upton Cat Daddy videos, and clothes that I swear are getting smaller and smaller every season!

I'm still struggling w/ post baby weight - g'damn those last 7lbs are hard to shed - and there are days when I just feel like just rolling into the office in my yoga pants because nothing feels right. Don't get me wrong. There are days that I feel like a hot shit supermodel because my jeans are holding and sucking in everything in all the right places. But it's a process and a journey I think I'll always be on as a woman. But as a mother, I know that I have to start loving myself sooner, rather than later. I may not have a daughter, but it's equally important to me to teach little man to be grateful, happy, and confident of everything God gave him and appreciate his quirks and differences, and also of others.

To Wear or Not to Wear

Today:

Me: "What do you think of these shorts? Are they too pajama-y?"

Hubs after raising one eyebrow and looking me up and down (never a good sign): "Uhh, are you wearing them outside?"

Me: "YES. They have pockets! See?"

Hubs: "Can you make me some lunch?"

Me: "C'mon! Return or keep?"

Hubs: "Definitely return"

Me: "Whatever, I'm keeping them."

Hubs" "WHY do you even ask when you already knew you were going to keep them?!"

These are cute, no?  They have pockets! AND elastic. a win/win on this mama's hips!

Aruba

The countdown begins for our first family vacay to ARUBA in just 15 days! I'm starting to overcome the dread I normally feel when I think about Caden on a plane for 4 hours and actually feeling a bit excited! I know I have a tendency to be a majorly impatient asshole with my hubs - and I admit it - kinda uptight on trips just because I'm not one to do well with changes. Throw a crazy, apple juiced up toddler into the equation, and we might have situation. HOWEVER, I am DETERMINED to make this trip memorable and Shutterfly album worthy and not drink myself into mommy obliteration to take the edge off. (Husband is not a drinker, so I could if I wanted :) )

So of course, I have been shopping like a mad woman and using every possible excuse to go run to Target because we "need" something for Aruba. Since I doubt we will be basking on the beach and relaxing w/ a mai tai in hand w/ my little man running around, I've scouring the internet and malls for a swimsuit that is mommy friendly so I won't have to suck in my left over baby weight 24/7 or run the risk of indecently exposing myself.

With all the drama and sickness boggin us down lately, I am uber excited for the change of scenery for our little fam.

Aruba by lophung featuring one piece swimsuits

21+ 10

I'm not usually one to lament turning a year older, but for some reason I was dreading my birthday with almost teenage like angst and anxiety this year. I was even seriously considering taking the day before and after my bday off just to avoid coming into work because I knew my dear coworkers would be decorating my desk somehow. And by decorating, I mean humiliating me (but totally in a loving way of course)

I was actually excited to turn 30 i think....but deep down, in hindsight, I was like every other 29 year old on the cusp of a new age bracket....trying to trick myself into not thinking I'm not old as shit. That 30 was the new 20. The only people that say that crap are 29 year olds. Funny thing. I can't recall for the life of me what the hell I did to celebrate last year. Yup, confirmed. Old as shit. No kind of memory, long or short term memory. I can barely remember what I had for dinner the night before. Yes, I'm usually in bed by 10pm on a LATE night. No more ragers, or extended happy hours. Life's definitely different from what it was a year ago, but I will have to say wholeheartedly that I don't miss any of it.  My life may be boring and mundane by most standards, but I would not change one thing. I love that I have such an unbreakable support system of family and friends that are so genuine and loyal. I am blessed in every possible way.

I'm stocked up with eye creams and face serums and all sorts of anti aging creams that my girlfriends got me and ready to take on whatever wrinkles/worries/drama/stress that 31 brings.

Caden Turns 1

I think I started planning C's first birthday before he was even born...is that considered part of nesting? I knew I wanted to do a basketball themed bash because husband is a nut about it and everyone who knows him has probably heard him say that he "could've been the first Asian NBA all star" if he'd tried. LOL

After the many hours of hotglue gun burns and paper cuts for all the handmade decorations and w/ my mom pouring all her love into making the food, I think our efforts showed and it was the perfect day for our family and friends to celebrate our little man. Great spread, perfect weather, and amazing company was all I wanted for Caden's big day.

And yes, I've already started thinking about his 2nd birthday.

   

Seriously?

It's already 2013? So much for my 2012 resolution to write more. I guess somewhere between June 21st with my last post and Jan 7th, I lost my resolve and life happened anyway. And while I'm sure I took plenty of pictures (my picture-whoring paparazzi days will never die), it isn't the same. As I am re-reading some of my older posts, I'm instantly taken back to that very emotion that I was feeling at that time. It's amazing how much difference a year's time can make.

My husband is still alive and kicking. I managed not to murder him during my crazy bouts of hormonal rage and my son is just about the most perfect thing in this world. Yes, he's still a terrible sleeper, but I know one of these nights, he'll amaze me and sleep 12 hours straight and then I'll really have the most perfect baby ever. I just KNOW it. If I say it enough times, it'll happen right?

In the years that my husband and I have been together, we've had one "big" event every year. Getting engaged, buying a house, getting hitched, getting pregnant and having a baby -- all the major life events have been bam, bam, bam - and it's been a wonderful, amazing, crazy ride. What's in store for 2013? I'm not so sure. We're in a weird place where things can change at a drop of a hat. A baby in tow definitely is a game changer in decision making and is all sorts of tricky, but I'm thankful for the best husband who supports pretty much all my impetuous and yes, at times, irrational behavior by letting me kick, scream, and cry it all out before being the voice of reason.

So what are my 2013 resolutions? I think this past year I've focused so much on being a great mommy, I've neglected being a great wife. I need to work on nurturing that great relationship we had before Caden came along. I think I also need to give myself a little love too. We are our own biggest critics and I know I put myself last way too often. This is something I want to teach Caden - that at the end of the day - we must be able to find our own happiness and value. It's not dependent on anyone else or what other's say.

I'm excited to see what's in store for me, for my little family. If 2012 was any indication, I think 2013 will be a good year.

The DreadFlu of '13

The title of this post alone should speak volumes of how sick I am at the moment. My little germ factory has taken each and everyone of us down one by one. I would be sick for the rest of the year if it meant that my baby could start feeling better, but alas, we are on day freaking five of high fever and a fountain of snot. Having a sick and miserable child definitely makes top 5 terrible ordeals for a parent, somewhere in between a full blown 2 year old mental breakdown at the grocery store and stepping on Legos in the middle of the night.

We had to take C to the ER because his temp hit a high of 105 on Friday and I was freaking out paranoid that he'd have a febrile seizure. I must say that despite the epidemic that has overloaded our hospitals and pedi offices, Children's Hospital Dallas did a really great job at quickly and efficiently getting us checked in and in a room within just an hour's time. We were definitely expecting several hours of just waiting.

We're hoping he's going to turn a corner soon - it's been a rough week at the Ngu house. Note to self: next flu season, buy hand sanitizer by the barrel. Bathe in it if necessary.